she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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