8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
