We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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