apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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