11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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