There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
That accounts for only three of the penises
my nose is crying tears of wow.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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