He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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