It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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