I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
