I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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