Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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