After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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