I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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