I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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