We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
