My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
