I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
