I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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