He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
