This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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