Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
