Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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