my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
