I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
