I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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