My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Your penis caused this!
There are leaves in my underwear?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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