Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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