the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
