We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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