i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
No I am not eating basil off your cock
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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