i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
