So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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