i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
