erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
