I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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