i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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