so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
