I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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