I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
