I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
