So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
