Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
