dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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