Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize