I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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