i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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