Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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