I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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