grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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