my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
