I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
