WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
