**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
