I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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