**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize