I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
