"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
There's always time for handjobs
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
