dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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