The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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