i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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