i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
