so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
