Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
