I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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