Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
