i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
