I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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