Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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