I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
