Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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