You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
