I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
