i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
