Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just high enough for therapy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
