If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i believe in u and ur pee
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